Since I was doing my foundation in law, some people that noticed asked me
"Fin, why are you rarely go home?"
"Are you okay not going home for months? It's not that far?"
"You are home less often. If my home is 2 hours away like you, I would've come home every week!"
*I can bet some that asked asked with a thought of that I'm anak derhaka, cause I rarely went home*
Well actually, I don't even have a home. Don't get me wrong. I do have a place to stay and come back to during the semester break or long holidays. But this place, the house that I'm staying and while I'm writing this, isn't home.
I yearn for a home. I long for one. For a place that I feel the utmost comfort on the first step that I enter to, even if I just had a bad day. Thinking that there's a shower with toiletries to destress myself. A kitchen that I, myself own, which I know where everything is placed. And I don't have to feel annoyed with people that throw food into the sink, causing it to be clogged. A rug that gently tickles my feet that I will feel obsessed with folding my feet in it. Small plants or cacti that I'll cared for. A place that doesn't have to be big or fancy, a place that I own. That I can, eventually, claim that it's mine. That's home.
However, I'm grateful for what I'm having now. Considering that there are homeless people and refugees that live in tents. This rezeki or sustenance that He continuously provided to me is always abundant and I'm thankful of that.
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Friday, September 16, 2016
How long has it been?
Many things had changed.
Did I expect my life to turn like this? No.
Life is like a full wave of unexpectedness
I just read my a few of my posts that I wrote years ago.
Oh, how carefree I was.
Now?
It's just a clusterfcks of...everything
And Im just 19, going to 20.
What am I doing?
Why am I not feeling motivated doing anything?
Even if I do, it was just a few seconds of flickers, until it stopped,
Just like the fireworks that I used to play when I was a kid.
Many things had changed.
Did I expect my life to turn like this? No.
Life is like a full wave of unexpectedness
I just read my a few of my posts that I wrote years ago.
Oh, how carefree I was.
Now?
It's just a clusterfcks of...everything
And Im just 19, going to 20.
What am I doing?
Why am I not feeling motivated doing anything?
Even if I do, it was just a few seconds of flickers, until it stopped,
Just like the fireworks that I used to play when I was a kid.
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Saturday, February 2, 2013
This Year
Salam
*No apologies for my inconsistency updating this blog*
New formidable subjects. New subjects beg to comprehend. Old subjects step to a new level. Yet, the old knowledge need not to be forgotten.
I'm not in shock as I predicted all this. Well known that things should not take for granted. The foretold news how hard form 4 is. Yet, it can be harder as my life continues.
January passed. February looms. Next month's waiting to be embraced. Yet, I feel like an old lady suffers a lumbago. However, my arguments that I'm facing the worst on this stage of my life should be ignored and invalid, as others struggling to finish university etcetera etcetera.
(I feel like I'm writing a poem. So stiff. And not so beautiful)
The chastised exam is over and I hope that was the last time I took exam in that school. Not that I hate the school, my friends, the surrounding. As most of my harlequins of moments created when I was schooling there. The thing is, I prefer a school that appreciates students' academic more rather than bare co-curricular achievements and exam results are the precedent, focus point.
SBP result is still in pending. The thing that can make me truly happy now, is, to receive an offer letter. Pray for me and my friends. And hopefully our part and while chasing our dreams will not jeopardise our relationship. I want it to be forever lasting.
And I'm imagining it, receiving wedding letters from my friends. I anticipate Saranes' the most because I'd spent hours to convince her to step into marriage life, and my best-best friends of course. Although lately people seen me with some of my other best friends, Faie and Izzatul always top my heart :)
Reunions. Parties. Skype. Twitter.
Blablabla I'm crapping.
LOVE
AFNEy
*No apologies for my inconsistency updating this blog*
New formidable subjects. New subjects beg to comprehend. Old subjects step to a new level. Yet, the old knowledge need not to be forgotten.
I'm not in shock as I predicted all this. Well known that things should not take for granted. The foretold news how hard form 4 is. Yet, it can be harder as my life continues.
January passed. February looms. Next month's waiting to be embraced. Yet, I feel like an old lady suffers a lumbago. However, my arguments that I'm facing the worst on this stage of my life should be ignored and invalid, as others struggling to finish university etcetera etcetera.
(I feel like I'm writing a poem. So stiff. And not so beautiful)
The chastised exam is over and I hope that was the last time I took exam in that school. Not that I hate the school, my friends, the surrounding. As most of my harlequins of moments created when I was schooling there. The thing is, I prefer a school that appreciates students' academic more rather than bare co-curricular achievements and exam results are the precedent, focus point.
SBP result is still in pending. The thing that can make me truly happy now, is, to receive an offer letter. Pray for me and my friends. And hopefully our part and while chasing our dreams will not jeopardise our relationship. I want it to be forever lasting.
And I'm imagining it, receiving wedding letters from my friends. I anticipate Saranes' the most because I'd spent hours to convince her to step into marriage life, and my best-best friends of course. Although lately people seen me with some of my other best friends, Faie and Izzatul always top my heart :)
Reunions. Parties. Skype. Twitter.
Blablabla I'm crapping.
LOVE
AFNEy
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Just When You Thought of...
Salam
Yada yada. Same old. Same old. I re-read one of Hlovate's novel ; Rooftop Rant. And I bumped into this hadith on page 536.
"None of you should long for death because of calamity had befalled him...and if he cannot, but long for death, then pray, 'Dear Allah, let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me'"
Suddenly, it hits me really hard as realisation strikes me. How come I didn't realise it printed on this novel? Maybe I was too small when I last read this. Too immature. I'm not saying that I'm matured now, just a little... wise?
How many times we'd encounter the news of people gave up on their lives?
When the situation is at its worst. And when you think there's no power to let the walls of disconsolate, wistful and sadness that's beleaguering you, just think of this hadith. And if possible, don't abscond yourself from the perturbing problems. Clearly, there's a way out cause Allah is always there with his promising words that there will always a way.
Keep reminding yourself (and myself too) that you'r not alone :)
LOVE
AFNEy
Yada yada. Same old. Same old. I re-read one of Hlovate's novel ; Rooftop Rant. And I bumped into this hadith on page 536.
"None of you should long for death because of calamity had befalled him...and if he cannot, but long for death, then pray, 'Dear Allah, let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me'"
Suddenly, it hits me really hard as realisation strikes me. How come I didn't realise it printed on this novel? Maybe I was too small when I last read this. Too immature. I'm not saying that I'm matured now, just a little... wise?
How many times we'd encounter the news of people gave up on their lives?
When the situation is at its worst. And when you think there's no power to let the walls of disconsolate, wistful and sadness that's beleaguering you, just think of this hadith. And if possible, don't abscond yourself from the perturbing problems. Clearly, there's a way out cause Allah is always there with his promising words that there will always a way.
Keep reminding yourself (and myself too) that you'r not alone :)
LOVE
AFNEy
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